I’ve been back home for a week after visiting my mother in Michigan. The trip was short and rushed as there was so much I needed to do for my mother. And relatives to visit, as well. I had no time for visiting friends, sadly.
In January my mother moved into memory care from the independent living apartment she had on the campus of her retirement community. She was hallucinating small animals in her apartment and having difficulty with time.
I kid you not that the minute she moved into memory care, the hallucinations stopped and she began to wonder, “Why does everybody in here have mental issues?”
A few weeks after she moved in I got a call from the director of assisted living (which includes memory care as well as regular assisted living) who said, “Your mother doesn’t belong in memory care. She knows who everyone is.”
And THAT is what I had been telling the staff at the community from the beginning of this whole hallucination period: “If she needs memory care why does she still know everyone–new people and family and old friends–and everything about them?”
They moved her into regular assisted living, and after visiting her I can tell you that is where she needs to be right now. She still relates well to people but continues to have some troubles with schedules and also cannot seem to organize herself.
As an aside: I have reason to believe that she might have had an undiagnosed UTI that did not show up on regular tests–and that most likely caused the hallucinations.
The gardener and I spent a great deal of time helping Mom organize her tiny apartment. We took her to buy a “petite” lift chair and found a gorgeous cherrywood (light finish) end table made by Amish craftspeople that was half price. I decided where all her pictures should be hung and put push pins in the proper places. The staff wouldn’t allow us to hang them ourselves.
One of the pictures is an 11×14 canvas painted by my two-year-old grandson for her. Mom and I Facetimed with little Hudson and his dad, too.
And when I talked to Mom the other day she said she points out Hudson’s painting to everyone who comes in to her room.
Bless you, Luanne, for advocating and caring for your mother.
Oh thank you, Carole. I am feeling kind of panicky though about being so far away from her though every day there is a lot of “business” to do for Mom.
It’s a very tough time to go through with parents, but when I see people in care who have no family or advocates to speak for them, I feel bad for them. Your mom is lucky to have you.
I hope so. She’s lucky my brother lives there, but now we’re going into a difficult period because he needs two knee replacement surgeries and won’t be able to visit her much.
I think your hunch about a UTI makes a lot of sense. Your mom may have some executive function issues like time and schedules, but that’s no reason to be in memory care. I hope she adjusts and is happy in her new place. And I love Hudson’s art work!!
Thanks, Amy. The more I think about it, the more I think that is what happened. She is so much better off where she is. She was so careful not to complain about things, but little things crept out where I think it’s difficult for her living so close with other people, most of whom are not happy campers. Hudson was very proud!
I’m dealing with a lot of this currently as well. My mom fell, hit her head. Turns out she had a UTI. After two weeks in rehab, she went home for 10 days with 24-hour care, and is now in assisted living. Meanwhile, the day after my mom moved into assisted living, my dad moved from AL to memory care. I went to see him a few days later and he hates it, but when you’re 93 and believe you’re still in the military (he retired in 1971) and basically everything you say is fictional, where else should he be. It’s quite a challenge.
Oh, gosh, Mark, I’m so sorry. You have got a double load there. That is so tough to see your dad that way. And what is with these UTIs? It’s such an epidemic. You have my sympathies for going through all this–and so do both your parents!
Thank you, Luanne. I try to take an “it is what it is” approach. But when I’m “in the moment” dealing with something related to them, and that happens almost every day now, it can be a challenge.
As for UTIs, yep. The scary thing is that they come on without any obvious symptoms in older folks. All of a sudden … boom. They fall and you discover they had a UTI. I think the biggest issue is that older folks, particularly women, don’t drink enough water.
I think they forget to drink water! Maybe medications dull the senses of thirst, etc. you have the right attitude but I’m sure every day brings a new challenge!
What amazes me about my mom is she doesn’t drink anything other than water now. No juice, no alcohol, no tea or coffee. Just water. Without ice. If that’s all I drank, I wouldn’t want to drink either.
Bless you, Luanne. You juggle so many things well!
Haha, Joy, you should have seen me lying there last night not being able to sleep worrying about my mother. Or crashing at 7PM only to wake up at 11 and be up the rest of the night. Hahaha. XO
Glad she’s in the right place. Sometimes it’s hard to tell exactly where people are in their mind.
Yes, oddly enough, you are exactly right. Even after Mom moved out of the apartment with the critters and didn’t see any more, she still thought she really had had them in her room. And yet she talks so rationally about all the other mundane stuff in her life and ours.
Perhaps it was soothing.
The critters caused lots of anxiety, but at some point a few crawled into her bed in a comforting way.
So glad your Mom’s doing better! I’m glad you could help.
I am, too. Just wish I could do it weekly! Of course, there’s lots to do from here.
I’m so glad you were about to get your mother into the living situation she needed. The frail elderly need very strong advocates.
So true. I worry a lot. But think of all the elderly out there with no advantages at all.
Yes, I do think of them!
I know that my aunt is alone in her apartment and can’t really get out at all, even with family, but with the help she gets for the apartment her pension allows her to have a carer come in 3 times a week. Plus she gets meals on wheels. So she does ok. But what if she hadn’t had help negotiating services or didn’t have a pension, even small, as so many do not? Anyway, I think of this a lot.
I’m so glad you were able to visit your mother and that she’s is doing so much better. It sounds like she’s in the right place. A UTI sounds like a good possibility. I know they’re so common.
Luanne, I love your mom’s hair!! I’m so glad she’s going better. You’re the best daughter for looking after her like that. ❤️
Thanks, Colleen! I will tell her you said that about her hair–she’ll like that! xo