Phone Rage

Here’s a story of something that happened to me a couple of years ago. I posted it on the site “Cowbird” at the time, but I’ve taken my stories off that site now. The style of this post might seem out of the norm for me, but the subject matter is a typical part of my daily life ;).

Here ’tis:

When I answer the phone, she says, “Is this Luanne? Your credit card was declined. I couldn’t get your order of 24 jockstraps out today. Do you want to give me another card?”

“There’s nothing wrong with my card! I’m not even near my credit limit. Let me call the bank and get back to you.”

I scrounge around inside my big shoulder bag, looking for my wallet and the offending plastic, and then I call the number on the back of the card. I get looped around and around, passing go—the original menu—several times. I hang up. Neither the front nor the back of the card reveals another likely telephone number, so I go upstairs to the files and bring down a statement with a phone number.

After passing through several more departments, I finally reach a person. At first I can’t understand her quick robotic cadence. Within a few seconds, I decide she has said, “What may I help you with?”

I tell her my problem, and she researches while I sit on hold. Meanwhile, I file my nails, take off my too-tight bra, and check my Facebook. I can’t wait to call my husband and yell at him for expecting me to order all those jockstraps. 

She finally comes back on the phone, and I have to shake my head to wake myself up. “I am very sorry, but there isn’t any problem with your account.”

I explain the phone call I got from the sporting goods company and how I need to use this credit card.

“Yes, there is not any problem with your account.” Again, I have to pause to figure out what she’s just said.

“Well, obviously there IS a problem or I wouldn’t be calling you. What is the available credit on this card?”

“Okay, let me check that information for you. Would you mind waiting just a moment?”

“I’ve already waited! I’ve been trying to get to the bottom of this problem for,” and here I glance at the clock on my computer, “forty-five minutes!!” My foot taps wildly.

“Yes, I see. I am very sorry that you are having this problem. If you will let me check that information for you . . . .”

“Go ahead!”

After finding out my balance, I ask her how we can solve the problem when there isn’t a problem and how I can get my jockstraps.

“Yes, you want to know what the problem is. There is not any problem. Is there anything else I can help you with? I am glad to have been of service to you.”

I call my husband on his cell. “You won’t be getting your freaking jockstraps, and if you still want them, you can just order them yourself.” I hang up before he can respond. That’s the benefit of being married a really long time.



Filed under Creative Nonfiction, Essay, Memoir, Nonfiction

42 responses to “Phone Rage

  1. There’s nothing like a confusing credit card call for a bulk jock strap order to screwup your day…
    Great post! I love starting out the morning with a laugh 🙂

    • Luanne

      hah, I’m glad it made you laugh, AnnMarie. After all, anger and frustration into laughter is good lemonade ;). Thanks for stopping by!

  2. I understand this story. Always a pleasure to fall into your thoughts and journey.

  3. I like this style – the angry Luanne!

    • Luanne

      Hahah, there is definitely one of those, too. Good thing she evaporates pretty quickly. I usually forget why I was mad, but this time I wrote it all down!

  4. He looks to you…and he’s your responsibility! yeah right….next time order your own! LOL…Loved it 🙂

    • Luanne

      Isn’t that photo image just the best?! I couldn’t believe how well it suited what happened to me! My responsibility NO LONGER! hahaha

  5. Bha, i just had a sort of a De-Ja-Vu 😀

  6. Do you always purchase in bulk or were you buying for a team? This is great, Luanne!

  7. You showed a completely different side on this post! Hilarious and hostile, a great and honest mix of emotions after the blasted phone difficulties with personnel passing the ‘buck’ upwards and onwards. I could not believe you waited that long, only to find out that you had an acceptable balance. All for your dear husband and yes, it is so nice to be married long enough you can just tell him that you have surrendered to the situation and now, he can take over the ordering the 24 jockstraps! Great post and fun responses, here, too!

    • Luanne

      Hostile, yes, good word for it! Those phone ordeals bring out the worst in me! Poor hubby got the worst of it when I yelled at him to place his own order! The whole reason I was doing it for him was because I was home all day and he was going to be really busy at the office. Oh well. Thanks for your loyal friendship, Robin!

      • I appreciate your thoughts you give and add to my comments, Luanne! You are a great writer and I think that being human in this one, made me feel we are even more ‘kindred spirits!’ Glad you didn’t mind the word, “hostile” since I deliberated awhile on that word! I have a family who express themselves and we sometimes seem to be ‘arguing’ when we feel we are ‘debating!’ Smiles, Robin

        • Luanne

          Haha, no, I never mind the truth! I know the debating well ;). We are definitely kindred spirits!

          • So glad! All is well, then! Hope you have a great weekend, Luanne! It is absolutely beautiful here, today! Picking up grandsons today, a whole different attitude and approach than the girls… a ‘different kind of fun!’ They like to be debaters, too! I enjoy their curiosity!

  8. I hate it when that happens!

  9. Ah, phone rage, I know it well! The last one I loved was when we called to set up our internet and phone service. WHY should setting up an account take 90+ minutes?!?

    • Luanne

      Exactly. I just commented below on phone and internet. They have been the worst, in my estimation. As far as phone goes, I can’t make one tiny change in my service that they don’t completely screw it up. And the bill is never what they told you it would be!

  10. You made me laugh, Luanne! Try dealing with an insurance company…
    Press 1, Press 2, Press 3, Press 4,… Nightmare!

    Great post!

    • Luanne

      Oh man. Or the telephone and internet company. Horrible. Yes, we’ve all had many of these calls, I’m pretty sure!

  11. Your blog is so helpful and funny! Now I know who to call should I ever need bulk jockstraps…your husband. 🙂

  12. I don’t know how I missed this one, Luanne! I went to your site to look for a book that I was interested in and thought I would remember but didn’t (helloooooooooo Fat Bottom syndrome!!) and came across it. I had to scan the comments to see if anyone questioned the quantity of the order and was surprised there wasn’t more chat about that impressive number – I appreciated Jill asking so I could get the answer to that burning question! Now back to my search!

    • Hehehe, Shel. I had the same thought! I suspect people assumed I was exaggerating, but I wasn’t. That’s how hubby likes to buy things–in quantity. Remember the movie “As Good As It Gets” with all the same-sames lined up in Jack Nicholson’s apartment? 😉

      • I haven’t seen that movie in years and I don’t remember that scene. However, I have a VCR tape of the movie – I think I’ll put it out and give it a re-watch while my old VCR player still has an ounce of life left in it!

        And a spouse that buys (such things!) in quantities? Pure fiction fodder!

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