The Bitch’s Tail: Part 3 of The Caterbuddy Tails

(Again, apologies to Chaucer. Third up in the series of Cat Tails is that of Tiger)

I’ll proudly claim my B-word title. I am the most petite cat in my queendom and rely on my claws for protection because almost all my teeth had to be removed. Other than my canines–isn’t that ironic?! I have a genetic tooth disease that comes to me from my god-ancestor origins in Egypt (note: the other cats are obviously not related to gods–this is proof). I am special, set aside from the other cats. My power intimidates them, so they don’t even try to get close to me. They have to respect and admire me from afar.

My story begins as a Cinderella tale. Remember that in Cinderella stories, the heroine seems to start from a lowly position, is elevated to a high station, and it is often revealed that her concealed origins were royal or aristocratic.

So when I tell you that my story here begins in a grocery store parking lot, remember that my story-of-origins begins earlier with my royal Egyptian forebears who now sleep forever in the vaults and tombs of pharaohs.

OK, the parking lot. I was young and tiny and hungry. I don’t know how I got to the parking lot because the first thing I can remember is standing there on the pavement, wondering how to avoid all the cars spinning in and out and all around. Before I was smashed to pieces, a young human snatched me up and took me away. She couldn’t keep me, so her friend took me home with him. He was a single college student, living in a one room apartment near campus. He meant well, but he couldn’t really take care of himself very well. I ate better than he did, but sometimes he couldn’t afford litter for my box. And one day he ran an errand, forgetting to put out the candle burning on the table.

He saved my life when he got home, but only after I got a little sick from the thick smoke. I became cautious of life after that, and especially of people, except for my young dad. I slept under the covers with him. He was my world.

One day, he went on vacation and left me with his parents. That was different. I didn’t like them at first and tried to snap at them (I still had teeth at that time). But the father was so good at playing “mousie” that I started to like him. And the mother wouldn’t give up petting me even when I was mean to her. And they bought me so much litter and gave me pieces of chicken. I have a thing for chicken. I asked to stay with them, and my young dad and his parents agreed that I had a better life with them. I didn’t realize until later that “them” came with a few other cats.

I didn’t have to worry about the other cats. My new father is besotted with me. I am his favorite cat, paws down. He won’t allow anyone to say anything negative about me. And when people talk about his love for me, he gets a silly grin on his face. I have claimed the title of bitch because I will smack any cat who intrudes on my territory–and since my father won’t allow anyone to call me a bitch, I will say it myself as it keeps everyone on their toes. [Mother intrudes: “But, Tiger, you are also afraid of other cats and sometimes your own shadow. How do you justify presenting yourself as brave?” Tiger replies: “Mother, this is my story to tell. And if I sometimes lie on my back and cry when someone comes close and stares at me, it’s because I have a sensitive nature. I guess Father understands that.”]

I am the only cat to sleep with Mother and Father every night. No matter how many new cats come to live here, it’s always me. That shows you how special I am. I am also a Tabico cat. That means that I have Calico Cat markings that are made up of Tabby Cat stripes. Tabicos (or, as some call us, Patched Tabbies–or even Torbies) are very rare cats indeed!

I’ve been with my mother and father for years now. I am fourteen years young. The funny thing is that although I know how much Father loves me, I love to curl up on Mother at night. She tries to push me away (careful, Mother, you know the power of my claws!), but I wait until I think she is asleep and climb back. Every morning she has to explain the scent of Tiger on her to Perry, Sloopy Anne, and the other cats.

Maybe you wonder if I still see my first dad. I do. He visits us sometimes with his new wife, and I let him pet me. He’s still one of my three favorite people. And I’ve heard that he’s become a really good cat dad and even a . . . I can’t believe I’m saying this . . . dog dad. Mother and Father think he’s one of the best. You can all thank me for that. I am the one who trained him, the one who had patience with him, and the one who put up with his childish mistakes.

Just remember my motto when you think of me: I AM TIGER, HEAR ME ROAR!


The Dowager’s Tail

The Baby’s Tail



Filed under #writerlife, #writerslife, Cats and Other Animals, Memoir, Nonfiction

48 responses to “The Bitch’s Tail: Part 3 of The Caterbuddy Tails

  1. I read this while my15 year old, 15lb tom cat, Pete, was sitting on my lap putting my legs to sleep. Thanks for sharing your cat stories – I enjoy them. Congrats as well on already working on those 2019 goals!

    • Hah, that’s one of the things that cats do best! Thank you, Michelle! When I realized how little I did done in the way of submissions in the past year or so I was annoyed with myself. It’s one thing not to feel like writing, but submissions are part of it all! I hope you have a productive year ahead!

  2. Loved the story, Luanne. At one time we had four cats and two dogs. Your story made me miss the kitties. Congrats on your submissions. Your hit rate is excellent.

  3. Awww–loved Tiger’s story. I’m trying to eat lunch now with Ricky the Cat on my lap.
    I don’t think you should feel like you’ve been lazy when you had that wonderful series running in Broad Street. That should count as several submissions. But congratulations on the acceptances. I have not been diligent about sending things out either.

  4. What a great story, Luanne. Congratulations on the acceptances…so cool!

  5. Good morning Luanne! I loved to catch up with Tiger’s story – she is very beautiful and clearly an aristoCAT. I think Orlando became quite besotted with her as he sat up straight and stared at her photo when it was revealed. I don’t think he had just chosen that moment to stretch his spine. Siddy didn’t care. Well done on making the goal and immediately getting two publications. Clearly your timing is excellent 🙂 You’ll be done and dusted by the end of January at this rate and have time to write a novel by the end of the year………..

    • Tell Orlando I showed Tiger his photo (although he certainly is more shy of the camera than Siddy is!!!), and she thinks he is handsome! And she is impressed that you understand her artistoCATiness! Haha. Of course, she’s such a big baby that I have to carry her to bed every night! I love that expression, “done and dusted”!!!! You are certainly more confident of my goal-reaching than I am ;)!

      • So, I have to carry both of mine to bed every night – it’s a special kind of Kingly expectation they share. I also have to do it in the right order or mayhem ensues. There is also much ‘discussion’ about who gets to sleep at the pillow end and who gets to lie in my arms. Mostly Orlando wins because Siddy doesn’t have the right kind of body shape for cuddling – plus O will bonk him on the head is he’s in the way….. Please also inform your Tiger that Orlando’s nickname is ‘Tiggie’ 🙂 I am very confident of your goal reaching abilities – just think of, and feel, that degree of confidence every time you send something off…….

        • Hahaha, that is so funny! Sweet lil cuddlers! I wish Perry and Sloopy Anne could sleep in the bed, too :(. Speaking of bonking. Kana was hungry the other day and so she ran after Tiger, pinned her down, and starting just hitting her. No claws, no teeth, no menacing, just bam bam bam. Thank you so much for your big dose of confidence, Pauline! You are so sweet! xo

  6. Aww, I love Tiger’s story! Congrats on your submissions. Numbers are arbitrary. Responses are real.

  7. Tiger is a hoot. A larger than life personality.

    Your acceptance goal is beyond my comprehension! You could give seminars on your success rate.

    • She is such a hoot. But then they all are really characters. We went to California and ever since we came back, they are all driving me crazy. First one starts in whining for food, then another, then two of them sit on their rears and slo-mo punch each other. Until I want to scream ;). Haha re success rate. Go over to Robert Okaji’s blog. Now THERE is a success rate.

  8. I also love this story, Luanne…you must be so thankful for a husband and son who share your caring for the cat kingdom…I am happy for you, but mostly I’m grateful for all that you do for the cats! They are so lucky to have you and the Gardener!! Thanks for sharing this story – and good luck with your other submissions!

    • Oh, thank you so much for your gratitude. That makes me so happy! The gardener once said he didn’t like cats. Of course, he didn’t know any cats! Then he fell in love with the first one, then the second, etc, until he wanted to help at the shelter and the rest is history ;). And our son is a huge animal lover and so is my DIL. I don’t know if I ever mentioned this but at the speeches at their wedding it was mentioned that their love for animals was one of the first things that drew them together.

  9. Ah, Tiger, be grateful you still have your canines … but does your tongue sometimes stick out? My Junior only has one canine left and sometimes his tongue sticks out and it’s so cute because his tongue is very pink and his fur dark gray and white. And we had a girl that we nicknamed “Fat Bitch” because … well, she was a very large kitty and a bitch. Not terribly regal as you obviously are 😉
    Luanne, congrats on getting your poems accepted and best of luck with the rest!

    • Hehehe, Junior must look so cute that way!!!! Tiger used to drool, but now that you made me think of that I realize she doesn’t do that any more. Maybe for two years after the extractions she drooled. But now I guess she knows how to control it or something. Thank you so much, Marie!

  10. Catty sounds great coming from you, Luanne. Mr. C was purring at my side as I read your new post.
    Way to go with submissions!
    I’ve got a new job and am traveling for Christmas, so my writing time is just about nil. Will get back in the groove after my younger son and his kids (my wondrous grandchildren) are here for skiing in early January.
    Seasons greetings to you and yours. {{{{}}}}
    BTW – those are cyberhugs

    • Hahaha! I wonder what Mr. Chapman makes of Ms. Tiger! Thank you about the submissions.
      I wondered how you were able to write with the job! That sounds fun that your family will be there for skiing! I seriously hope you aren’t planning on skiing because I am sure you are still recovering from your fall! How are you feeling btw? Happy holidays, Elaine!!!! Cyberhugs back atcah! xo

  11. Congratulations on the submissions Luanne – well done! And I loved to read Tiger’s story – a very special lady indeed.

  12. It’s most entertaining to hear your life story and voice, dear Tiger. And, of course, to see your beautiful, exotic face. Tell Luanne congratulations on her publications. Your specialness is rubbing off on her.

    • Dear Jeannieunbottled, thank you so much for the understanding. We are obviously simpatico. And thank you for noticing how I try to pull my mother up to my level. It is very difficult work.

  13. Marvelous. She might be my favorite, although I’m quite fond of Perry — just, I had a bitch cat. Felicity. Gray tabby longhair, gorgeous beast. Everyone hated that cat, but she was my baaaaaby. She was with me before kids, before husband, she was my first child, hm? I had her for 11 years before sarcoma.
    Long live your bitch cat, long may she reign! <3

  14. I love the cat stories, Luanne. What a cute canine yawn Tiger has! Congrats on the already-meeting 2019 goals! Keep going because you inspire me! Happy New Year! 🎉

    • Thanks so much, Cheryl! You are inspirational, so back atcha! She does have a really cute yawn. She is adorable in fact if she keeps her claws in ;).

  15. The best of these yet!

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