I’m borrowing Auden’s title for his book-length poem that won the Pulitzer in 1948 because contemporary life is even more anxiety-provoking than in the 20th century. Maybe it’s because I’m living in the now, but it seems to me that all our technology has brought waves of anxiety into the lives of . . . well, of most of us.
In my own family most members deal with anxiety issues and some of us–myself included–have social anxiety. I do not take medication for mine, but if I had to go to a worksite every day these days, maybe I would have to do so.
Because of my childhood, I suffered from anxiety early on, but once I was an adult and not living with my family of origin, my anxiety became significantly better. Until the advent of the computer, the cell phone, and the impersonal communication (aided by tech) of every business and medical provider I interact with, that is. Now it’s back as it was when I was a child living in my parents’ home. No, it’s worse.
The American Psychological Association, on its website, describes anxiety this way: “An emotion characterized by apprehension and somatic symptoms of tension in which an individual anticipates impending danger, catastrophe, or misfortune.” Somatic. That means tension manifests itself physically. Frequently with anxiety we dread the known or the unknown.
When I wrote my memoir Scrap: Salvaging a Family I struggled to find ways to describe the feelings of anxiety I remembered in my memories. The descriptions crop up over and over again, often related to my stomach. My stomach surged, suffered a giant crab crawing aboard, a thundercloud, a hard rock, a gathering wave, was hooked by claws. “Dread began to fill me, coursing its way through my body” (129). Terror, fear, and anger are all directly associated with the stomach in Scrap.
I have anxiety over AI. Many people say it won’t be so bad and in fact is positive. They use the initial fear over every new invention as proof. But AI is different. It has the ability to affect absolutely everything we know, especially facts and ethics.
But it’s hard to live with anxiety pulsing through my limbs every day. So what do I do? I am riding the stationary bike every day, napping, and reading more. The gardener and I plan vacations. I push myself to see friends on a one-to-one basis. And I make sure we set up family time quite often. A dose of my sweet grandson Hudson is a perfect tonic. When I am with him, anxiety slinks out the door.
What do you do for your anxiety?
He usually paints for someone else, but this time when I asked him if I could have it, he waffled and then finally withdrew it from my fingers and said he wanted to keep it. So I let it go. Sadly because I had this brain storm of collaging with his art.
